A few days ago, I happened across Stephen Dimmick’s website and videos and I love them. Stephen is so natural and down-to-earth in his videos that it feels as though he’s chatting with an old friend and I find that incredibly appealing.
He clearly knows his stuff and really enjoys what he does, and he keeps his videos to about three minutes making it easy for anyone to find the time to watch. That he also delivers some really great make-up tips is a nice bonus.
As his twitter bio says, he’s “dishing a daily dose of gorgeous w/ Aussie attitude and N.Y style.” And it goes on to say…”If you ain’t a nice person makeup won’t help. After all, True Beauty Only Comes From Experience.” So true.
When I happen across someone like Stephen I like to share. So yesterday I tweeted, “Do you know how to effectively spot conceal so your skin looks flawless? @dailydimmick shows you just how to do it: http://shar.es/Wy7VM ”
And surprise, surprise, it wasn’t one of my women followers who replied to that tweet. It was @TimBrownson of A Daring Adventure with this provocative reply, “ is the answer meditate on mindfulness and don’t give a shit about external beauty? 
”
Oooo…the gauntlet had been thrown down. I paused in surprise for only a moment before picking it up and tossing it back Tim’s way. ; )
The rest of our brief twitter chat went like this:
Me: I think you can be mindful and still care about your appearance w/out obsessing.
Tim: Not sure where the line is to be honest. Can’t imagine the Buddha ever using a cover up stick.
Me: It’s a fine line for sure. But the reality is…most of us do care about our appearance.
Me: And we should…it’s a reflection of our respect and caring for ourselves. Whether it’s cover-up or it’s a clean, pressed shirt.
Tim: Maybe Mrs Buddha did though.
Me: lol…she just might have.
Are mindfulness & makeup mutually exclusive?
140 characters simply doesn’t do justice to the provocative and valid question Tim raised. The heart of which (correct me if I’m wrong here, Tim) is the question of whether mindfulness and attention to external beauty are mutually exclusive.
I don’t think they are. While on the surface it might seem a contradiction, I think it’s simply a matter of balance.
Do I advocate paying obsessive attention to external beauty? Definitely not. But the reality is…I’m not Buddha and I’m not spending my days sitting under a Bodhi tree. (And that I know of, neither are my twitter followers. ; )
On the flip side…do I advocate completely disregarding your appearance on your path to attaining “enlightenment?” Hmm…what do you suppose that might look like?!
We could go back to medieval times and stop showering more than once a week, stop wearing makeup or brushing our hair, stop giving any care to what we wear…no need to iron clothes or pick them up from the dry-cleaner.
We could even have a theme song! We could simply tweak the lyrics to “I’m Too Sexy.” It would go like this…
“I’m too enlightened for my shirt, too enlightened for my shirt…”
Now, let’s get real here…
…the above scenario would be a little ridiculous wouldn’t it? I think swinging too far toward either extreme isn’t healthy.
I meditate, and I practice living mindfully. AND…I care about my appearance. I don’t obsess over it, but I do care about it.
I’ve never been a fashionista. I don’t really care what the fashion fads or trends are, but I like to look reasonably well put together.
I don’t visit the salon every week or spend hundreds on expensive cremes and makeup. I’ve never had any kind of plastic surgery and don’t intend to, and I’m not one of those women who can’t walk past a reflective surface without stopping to admire herself, and you’ll never see me re-applying lipstick in public every five minutes.
There are days I roll out of bed and dive into work only to realize at noon that I haven’t so much as looked in a mirror, let alone brushed my hair. But would I walk out the door like that to run errands or to attend a business meeting? Um, no…not a chance in hell.
And I don’t believe for a moment that my choice to use makeup or to do my hair, or carefully choosing what to wear, is an indication that I’m less enlightened than someone who doesn’t.
Taking care with our appearance is a reflection of our self-respect and value. And like it or not…much of that critical first impression with others is based primarily, if not exclusively, on appearance.
And doesn’t it just feel good to get dressed to the nines once in awhile for a night on the town? And doesn’t the perfect, flattering suit give you an extra boost of confidence when going into that business meeting or speaking on stage?
Make-up is no different. If watching Stephen’s video on how to spot conceal helps a woman to feel a bit better, to feel a bit more self-confident, how is that a bad thing?
As a teen I had the worst acne. I’m not talking the pimple here or there that most teens have to deal with from time to time. I’m talking severe cystic acne. (To this day I have the scars on my face to prove it.)
To say that it made me feel self-conscious is a huge understatement. It made me want to fall through the floor most of the time, and there was no hiding it. Not really. Had there been a product then that would have hidden it…I’d have grabbed it and used it in a heartbeat.
Because, ironically…while some may say that make-up puts too much emphasis on the superficial, external beauty rather than on who that person really is on the inside…when I was dealing with that damn cystic acne…that’s all anyone saw. They didn’t see the real me. They were too focused on the acne. Or at least that’s how it felt.
Did the horrible appearance of the acne on my face make me any less of a person? Of course not. But you could have talked to me until you were blue in the face about how true beauty is on the inside and it wouldn’t have made one iota of difference in how I felt every time I had to go out in public.
That kind of self-consciousness is excruciating. If a bit of cover-up or lipstick or eye-liner eases that discomfort for you…I say more power to you.
What do you think? Are mindfulness and make-up mutually exclusive? I would LOVE to have a rousing discussion on this topic in the comments…so please…don’t hold back…dive right in and share your thoughts and experiences.
Comments
Powered by Facebook Comments
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I am right there with you Lisa. I think that if a little makeup makes you feel better in your own skin, then do it. And who cares if you wear make-up? Does that really detract you from being mindful? For those who believe that, that’s their opinion and I respect that but I would have to politely call bullshit on it.
I love to look nice. And typically I don’t wear makeup. But when or if I do, I don’t feel like I am “less mindful.” I could argue perhaps I am more so, because like I said, I rarely if ever wear makeup. I do believe how you present yourself is a direct reflection on how you take care of yourself. And isn’t taking care of yourself an act of “mindfulness?”
Of course, I believe there is a line. But I could say that about anything. There are always going to be people in the world who take things too far to the left or too far to the right. So would our appearance or being mindful be any different?
Kimberly´s last [type] ..It’s Time to Let Go of Those Toxic Friends
Not really sure how to answer this because I was being flippant and don’t have an answer, but I’ll do my best.
Maybe the easy option is to respond to Kimberly’s quote:
“I think that if a little makeup makes you feel better in your own skin, then do it.”
I’d say do it too, but also recognize why you’re doing it. You’re doing it because you don’t think you’re good enough without it. And that is the mindfulness part. Of course you can wear make-up mindfully, but if you put it one automatically because you are meeting this person or a attending that event, then that isn’t mindfulness.
If you wouldn’t wear make-up on a desert island, then the only reason you are wearing it is for other people and because at some level you are concerned what other people think if you don’t wear it.
I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, or a good thing for that matter, it is what it is and I’m certainly not criticizing anybody or saying they shouldn’t do it.
And I’m really not sure how you can say you respect someones opinion and then call it bullshit in the same sentence!
As for the enlightenment issue, well I’m really not qualified to answer that, because I’m not even close to being at the level, although happy to ask Bodhipaksa my teacher who I meet tomorrow. I will say this though, I don’t ever remember seeing an enlightened woman (Pema Chodrin and Jan Chozen Bays spring to mind) wearing make-up or giving a rats ass about their appearance.
Again, let me say, I’m not in any way shape or form against this, just joking on Twitter and now playing Devils Advocate.
Thanks for being such a sport, Tim, and diving back into this discussion even if you don’t have an answer. I know you were being flippant when we were chatting on twitter yesterday, as was I in my replies, but it’s an interesting thing to ponder and discuss.
I don’t have an answer either. I don’t think there necessarily is one “right” answer. I think we all have to find a balance that works for us as individuals between the practical world and our spiritual lives/development.
And it’s not just about make-up….the same could be said of being well-groomed, or making sure the clothes you wear are clean and pressed, etc…
Hell, we could probably take this to a whole different realm…if you’re practicing mindfulness or have attained enlightenment (which I’m not entirely sure I believe is even possible without removing yourself from the world to reside in a monastery somewhere, but that’s another conversation altogether ; ) do you bother to vacuum? Or clean the bathroom?
I’m curious what kind of balance others have found or created between the practicalities of modern living and their need or desire to nurture their spiritual growth.
Hi Tim,
Nice to unofficially “meet” you.
I think what I should have said instead of calling “bullshit” that would have been a bit more eloquent is “I agree to disagree.” Honestly, I DO respect others’ opinions and pride myself for trying to keep an open mind.
With that said, I hear what you are saying about some women using makeup to help them feel “good enough.” I do agree with that. There are many women who can’t leave the house without it.
But like you, I must play devil’s advocate and say that I don’t believe that EVERY woman who applies makeup to her face is doing it because she doesn’t think she is good enough.
I apply makeup occasionally because I feel it enhances my beauty. And sometimes I want to change it up. I DO think I am good enough without it and I rarely, if ever, wear it.
I guess the questions is: Is there a “right” or “wrong” answer? And who am I to judge someone for how they mesh together modern world choices with spiritual growth.
I loved that you jumped in and gave us a male perspective. It is really quite refreshing. And I know and understand that your tweets were meant in fun but you and Lisa brought up a very interesting topic. So thank you for that.
Surely the only purpose of make-up is to improve looks in some way. Even when somebody has a scar or acne as mentioned above, that means they are unhappy with what they have and want to change it. Of course there’s nothing wrong with that if it’s crippling somebody’s confidence, although not caring what others think would be a better option if possible.
If we want to improve our looks, by default (and this will often by at an unconscious level), that must mean it’s because we think they are lacking in some way.
The devils advocate is busy today
Well, damn. Now I don’t know if I should put my mascara on or not. It brightens my blue eyes and feels great, too!
But really, you wanna know what I think?
I believe that if you want to put on mascara, or iron a shirt, or work in your PJs, or not bathe all week, or make yourself look like a million bucks, then do it…but only if it enhances your happiness and feels genuine for you.
Melody´s last [type] ..The #1 Most Common Labeling Mistake That Sabotages A File System
In my earlier years, I wore makeup less often, but truthfully I didn’t care as much about myself. (I’m not one to care a whole lot about what others think of me.)
Now I do it because I love it, and I love and accept “me” more.
And it’s not that I don’t think I’m fine without it. It’s more like caring for one thing means you care about everything. Taking time to make myself feel good in the morning, to choose clothes that reflect how I feel inside (I’m a creative person) – it just makes sense to me. Sets me up with the right tone for the day.
I started caring more about my appearance once I became more mindful in my everyday life. Kinda the opposite of what the main assumption is here. But that’s normal for me. ;P
I know for a fact I look better with makeup, and I feel a lot better with it on.
For that reason I’m going to continue to wear it…:)