If you know me at all, then you know just how passionate I am about going after your dreams, NOW. Today. Not tomorrow, or next week or “someday.”
And of course, it’s easy for me to say someday may never come (and I’ve said just that in previous posts) but it’s also very easy for it to go in one ear and out the other, so to speak.
Easy for you to say, “Yeah, yeah, I know…I’ve heard it all before, but I’m young, or I’m healthy, or I’m ‘fill in the blank’ and I’ve got plenty of time. I’ll get to it…eventually…someday.”
So, instead of simply telling you yet again that someday may never come, I’m going to tell you a story instead.
Once upon a time…
…there was a strapping, healthy, active young man who loved life and lived it to its fullest. He worked hard and played harder.
He loved the outdoors and loved to go camping, fishing, hiking, spelunking, and rock climbing. He enjoyed cooking and dancing with his sweetheart, playing competitive pool, riding his motorcycle, surfing, deep sea fishing, and sky-diving.
He regularly spent time volunteering, revitilizing school playgrounds and parks, and he was studying Fire Science to become a firefighter.
He was barely 22. He was young, healthy and strong. He had his whole life ahead of him. A world of possibilities lay before him…
Until one fateful day, when, in one brief moment, everything changed. He blinked too long, fell asleep for the barest of moments, while driving on the freeway.
He no longer works, or volunteers. He’ll never rock climb or ride a motorcycle or sky-dive again. He can’t salsa dance with his sweetheart, or play pool, or surf or deep sea fish. And he won’t become a firefighter after all.
The accident that day broke his back. He fractured one vertebra and broke another. Several discs are damaged, bulging and herniated. The damage to his lower back is so significant that he can no longer bend over without excruciating pain and he can’t stand, sit, walk or lie down for extended periods.
He is in constant, unrelenting pain.
This story isn’t just a bad fairytale. I didn’t simply forget the happily-ever-after fairytale ending. This story isn’t a fairytale at all.
The young man in this story is my son.
The accident happened just three weeks after his 22nd birthday. Nearly three years ago. It was one of those momentous events that literally and dramatically altered the course of his life.
The vision he’d held of his future…of someday…was the fairytale. Gone in an instant.
When he first bought his motorcycle, I was beyond terrified, but I supported his choice and I’m so glad that I did, because…terrified as I was that day (and even more so the day he laid it down), I’m now equally grateful that he went after that dream. That he didn’t put it off until a “someday” that would never come.
It’s a toss up whether the bike instilled more fear in me or the sky-diving did, but as with the bike…I’m so very glad he went sky-diving when he did. That he had that experience. An experience he describes as one of the most amazing of his life.
Had he put it off until “someday,” he might have missed out entirely because sky-diving is no longer an option.
Most of the activities he was so passionate about he can no longer do. He can’t lift, or stretch to reach, or bend or twist, and so the simplest of household tasks and even personal tasks, like showering and dressing and putting his own shoes on are difficult and painful.
Things you and I take for granted, are a struggle for him. My once healthy, active son now walks with a cane. And although he rarely complains, the pain of the past three years is etched into his face.
Just last week I accompanied him to the most recent doctor appointment, where we were told that not only is his injury not going to improve, it’s going to get worse. The injury and instability in his lumbar spine are causing near-constant irritation of the nerves and will accelerate the degeneration that’s already begun.
Traditional medicine, for all it’s advances, cannot help him. The only thing that might, is a very expensive and experimental procedure.
His hopes and dreams now center, not on exciting adventures or wild new experiences, but on perhaps, someday…being free of pain. Being able to sleep through the night again, or dance with his honey, or hold a job doing work he finds meaningful. Being able, one day, when he has children, to pick them up, to run and play with them.
I don’t tell you any of this to elicit your sympathy. My son is an amazing young man, and while this is hands-down the most difficult thing he’s ever faced, he’s facing it with strength and courage and (most of the time) a really positive attitude.
He misses a lot of his old activities but he’s also developed a few new ones…he learned to make his own fishing lures (he still goes lake fishing with a friend every once in awhile) and he can crochet a mean blanket. ; )
My Heartfelt Plea to You
It’s my hope that sharing this personal story will have a greater impact than simply speaking hypothetically. That it might touch you in a way that will make you more open to my heartfelt plea…
Please, please, please…I’m begging you…whatever it is that you dream of…don’t wait for a fairytale someday that may never come. Go after it NOW.
Forget the New Year’s Resolutions this year. Instead, make a list of all that you long to do, or be, or experience, and then pick one. Just one. Identify the first small step you can take to move you toward it and do it. Do it now. Take that step, go after that dream, now, while you can.
Someday is a fairytale. It isn’t real. Someday lulls you into a false sense of security. It convinces you there will always be more time, later, when the reality is… there are no guarantees.
“Someday is a dream killer. It will kill your dreams in a heartbeat if you let it.”
~ Sandi Amorim
Please, if you go into the new year with nothing else…go into it with the determination not to let a fairytale “someday” kill your dreams.
Go into the new year determined that this year, this day, this moment…you WILL go after your dreams. No more waiting, no more excuses or rationalizations.
You will never regret going after a dream, but if you allow someday to kill your dreams…that you may well regret one day.
This. Is. It. This is your life. Live it boldy, fully, no-holds barred, no room for regrets.
With much love and heartfelt wishes for a wonderful, dream-filled New Year…
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Wow. Just wow. I promise.
Thank you, Rita. You have no idea how your simple response has touched my heart. And if sharing such a personal story has touched your heart in a way that will inspire you to go after your dreams, then it was well worthwhile.
xo
L
I didn’t think I needed any encouragement to follow my dreams but this just added even further fuel to my fire. Lisa your son is truly an inspiration.
Thrilled to hear his story has added fuel to your already brightly burning fire, Caroline. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts, and if that fire ever wanes and you’re need in of a spark or two to get it going again…don’t hesitate to reach out. ; )
I truly have no words, but just as I did when Sandi posted about “someday”, I will do it here again.
I vow not only to destroy the idea of “someday” in my life, but to help others erase that word and it’s meaning from their lives.
Also, perhaps it is a lot to ask, but would you allow me to include both you and your son in our Hall of Warriors? It’s a place for those who truly show a warrior spirit. And I have a powerful feeling that you and your son have it in you. It would be an honor to include you.
Thanks for sharing this experience, I find you are a really strong woman.
Alejandro Reyes´s last [type] ..How to become a modern day warrior (A.K.A. The Enso Journey Manifesto)
“I vow not only to destroy the idea of ‘someday’ in my life, but to help others erase that word and it’s meaning from their lives.”
Wow…now that is one very powerful statement, Alejandro. While I’ve never thought to express it in quite that way…that’s exactly the mission I’m on. ; )
Who else wants to join us in vowing to destroy the idea of ‘someday’ from our lives and to help others to do the same?
As for being included in your “Hall of Warriors,” Alejandro…I would be honored as I’m sure my son would be as well. We most definitely share a warrior spirit.
Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Thank you Lisa, for opening your heart and allow us to learn from you. I’m truly impressed to find a great warrior like you.
Alejandro Reyes´s last [type] ..5 simple tips to unleash your warrior spirit
Such a moving post, Lisa. Your son is an inspiration. And your line, “Someday is a fairytale. It isn’t real,” is especially powerful for me. After reading this, I think I’m going to do my best to eliminate the word “someday” from my vocabulary. Thank you so much for sharing.
Do it, do it, DO IT! Drop that word from your vocabulary, Piper, because the whole concept of “someday” is just that…a mental concept. I’d be wiling to bet you’ve never woken up and thought to yourself, “Yay! It’s someday!” ; )
Now, this moment, is where our power lies. It’s the only time in which we can make a choice or take an action to effect meaningful change in our lives. So if something holds meaning for you…if you find yourself longing to do or be or try something new…do it. It either matters or it doesn’t. If it matters do it now. If it doesn’t…let it go. But don’t ever kid yourself that “someday” is suddenly going to arrive and magically fulfill all your long-held dreams.
Thanks so much, Piper, for taking the time to comment. Happy New Year!
Wow, so inspiring, Lisa.
I am chasing my dreams, but it’s sometimes hard to stay in the moment. This post just made it a lot easier, so thank you!
I hope your son will one day be free from pain.
Dan´s last [type] ..Why I Don’t Make New Year’s Resolutions
Hey Dan…chasing your dreams, although sometimes intimidating, sure can be a whole hell of a lot of fun, can’t it? ; )
As for it being hard, sometimes, to stay in the moment…that’s totally normal. Living in the moment is a practice, a lifestyle, and there is no end point at which you will be fully present in the moment for every minute of every day. It’s human nature to get caught up in our thoughts, and to check out. The trick is to keep practicing awareness of when you’ve checked out and to use that as a reminder to bring yourself back to whatever is right in front of you. Over time, you begin to catch yourself more quickly…before you’ve gotten totally wrapped up in those thoughts and they’ve taken you for a wild ride. ; )
And thank you, Dan, for the well wishes for my son. I hope one day he’ll be free from pain too, and we certainly haven’t given up on the search for help and healing.
Happy New Year!
Lisa,
I knew we were on the same page regarding ‘someday’ thinking, but I had no idea you had such an intimate experience of the impact. Thank you for sharing your son’s story. It is more inspiring than any hypothetical example. What I find so profound is that while the story is tragic and sad, you’ve left us inspired by how your son is living his life NOW, post accident. It would be so easy to shut down after such an event and he must be such an extraordinary young man to be choosing otherwise. I am touched beyond words.
xoS
Sandi…thank you. Your words mean a lot and I’m glad to hear that you found the story inspiring. One of the biggest challenges in writing this post was in trying to find a way to share his story in a way that would be inspiring rather than simply depressing. ; )
My son has his moments, too…moments when the pain wears him down, moments when, in a hushed tone, he shares his fears with me. Moments when he breaks down and confesses that he feels like he can’t do it anymore, doesn’t want to do it anymore. And I encourage him to let himself feel whatever he’s feeling, while at the same time, trying not to buy into the fear. I remind him that the future is an unknown, that medical technology is advancing at an insane pace, and that anything is still possible. And each time he picks himself up by his bootstraps. An hour later he can be laughing and smiling again and each time I am even more blown away by his strength and courage.
And despite his own circumstance, he still cares deeply for others, and will go out of his way to help when it’s in his power to do. Nearly a year ago his father (my ex) became seriously ill very suddenly. My son flew out from his home in CA to CO to take care of him. His dad wound up in the hospital, critically ill and on life support. My son held the durable medical power of attorney and was responsible for his dad’s care which culminated in emergency open heart surgery. He put his own well-being aside and handled it all in a way that so impressed me I don’t even have words for it. And then he and his girlfriend packed up their home in CA to move here to CO to care for his dad during his lengthy recovery. There aren’t words to adequately describe that kind of deep compassion and care and sacrifice.
He has always been a wise old soul. Even when he was very small. And I will be forever grateful for all of the amazing ways in which he has, and continues to, inspire me to be and do my best and to squeeze every last bit of joy possible out of every moment, every day.
xo
L
Lisa,
Thank you for sharing this with everyone. I cannot imagine the pain you must have gone through and probably still do go through. This message rings more true than the blatant quotes that have had the same message. We really do take forgranted our health, the time we have and spend way too much time listening to the inner critic telling us why we can’t do something just yet. Thank you so much and may your son experience many miracles this year!
Love you lots
Laree’
Hey Laree!
Yes…like anyone else…I have my moments. ; ) Moments when the full impact of my son’s injury and the extent of the pain he’s in, hits me. It’s heartbreaking, and like any mom, if I could trade places with him I would do it in a heartbeat. When the grief hits…I have a good cry and when my mind wants to spin fantastical stories of doom and gloom about his future…I remind myself that it’s nothing more than a story and bring myself back to where we are now and what we know to be true, and I remind myself that we could easily have lost him that day.
We’re not entirely out of options just yet, and we’ll keep pursuing help and healing. Thank you so much, Laree, for your loving support. I know you know just what it’s like to watch your child struggle with health issues. I hope the coming year is full of delightful surprises and miracles for you and Autumn too!
xo
L
Wow. Tears stand in my eyes as I am so moved by your post. You are doing much more than just talking about following your dreams. My heart goes out to you and your son, and he is a lucky young man to have a mother like you!
Happy New Year, and thank you for touching my heart and nudging me further to take those chances!
My pleasure, Sarah, and thank you so much for your kind words.
I’m the lucky one. ; ) I have not one, but two, amazing sons and while they’ve both faced hardship and challenge…neither has ever let it keep them down for long and both are very open in sharing their stories with others in the hopes it will help to make someone else’s path easier or inspire them to believe in themselves and their dreams.
Thank you so very much, Sarah, for taking the time to share your thoughts. I hope to see you here on The Wilder Zone again soon. ; ) Happy New Year!
Congratulations on telling what must be a painful personal story so well and providing such a compelling reason for all of us to do it NOW, not someday. I have to say that I got to your blog from twitter @zimpeterw, I am so glad I did.
I am now going to subscribe to your rss .
Hey Peter! Yes, so glad we’ve connected on twitter and here as well. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. It’s sometimes excruciatingly hard to be witness to what my son is going through, but if sharing his story moved even one person to go after their dreams now, rather than someday…then it was well worth it.
Thanks for subscribing. I’ll be looking forward to your next comment. ; )
Hi LIsa. It is so great that you are able to find that powerful message in such a difficult life-changing experience. You’re certainly right that now is all we have and we have to make the most of it. Thanks!