The Wilder Zone

The Best (and Easiest) Chocolate Fudge & Rocky Road Candy EVER

I've always loved this time of year, and everything that goes along with it and when my boys (now 18 & 21) were little I used to bake up a storm every year beginning just after Halloween. I made butter cookies with frosting and sprinkles, snowball cookies, cream cheese cookies, mini-cranberry, pumpkin, banana and blueberry breads, cheesecakes, butterscotch clusters, fudge and rocky road candy, just to name a few.

The boys would help with the prep and with packaging a variety of the goodies to give to neighbors, teachers, friends and family. It was quite the production and very time-consuming.

In recent years the list of goodies I make has dwindled significantly. The only two that have survived are the fudge and the rocky road candy. Why? Well...for two reasons...they're super simple and quick and they're incredibly yummy.

My oldest son moved to California back in Aug. '07, and I haven't seen him since. He flies in tomorrow night for the holidays. I couldn't be more thrilled. I can't wait to see him, to wrap my arms around him and give him a hug. That's not what he's thinking about however. He's thinking about fudge and rocky road candy.

In fact, the first thing he said when I told him I'd booked his ticket was not about how much he was looking forward to seeing me, or his dad, or his brother, or even his friends. He said, "You know you're going to have to make fudge and rocky road candy."

In fact, at one point last week, I told him I thought I might have lost the fudge recipe. His reply? "I will have to kick your ass if you don't find it! That is the BEST fudge EVER." He was laughing as he said it and he'd no doubt have forgiven me had I lost it, but for him, it's become one of those holiday traditions that he looks forward to, and has missed, since he moved. Thankfully, I found it.

I can't claim that the fudge recipe is an old family recipe handed down for generations. It's a recipe I stumbled upon and decided to try 15 years ago and it's become a family favorite. As for the rocky road candy... it has been a family holiday tradition since I was a kid. My mom made it every year. Where she got the recipe I have no idea, and I'd be surprised if she even remembers now.

I love good food of all kinds, and I love to bake and cook, and while I'm willing to give a complex recipe a try when I have the time and energy, my favorite recipes are those that are quick and simple, yet really delicious.

I've never understood why some people refuse to share a great recipe. To my mind, a great recipe is not something to horde. The more people that can enjoy it the better. It occurred to me yesterday as I was buying all the goodies that go into these two recipes, that I could share them here as my holiday gift and way of saying thank you to all of you fabulous peeps.

Granted, it's a bit last minute...but that's the beauty of these two recipes. You can whip up a batch of each in less than 20 minutes. And...(I love this part)...unlike many candy recipes, neither of these requires that you be proficient with a candy thermometer. (Something that always sounded like more trouble than I wanted to bother with.)

I can't begin to compete with the Pioneer Woman of The Pioneer Woman Cooks blog (hands-down my favorite cooking blog and chock full of other great holiday recipes), so you'll have to do without the gorgeous step-by-step photos, but these are so simple you'll do just fine without them.

Here we go...

Chocolate Fudge

• 2 cups milk chocolate chips
• 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
• Dash salt
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Put the chocolate chips and the sweetened condensed milk in a heavy saucepan and melt the chips slowly over low heat. Stirring often. Remove from heat and add vanilla extract. Blend and pour into an 8 x 8 pan lined with foil. Place in refrigerator to chill. (Once the fudge is slightly chilled and set, you can lift it out of the pan with the foil to make the next batch.)

You can make this fudge with any combination of chocolate chips, depending on your preference and peppermint extract can be substituted for the vanilla for a twist on the traditional recipe. And, if you must, you can add walnuts. Personally, I think adding walnuts ruins perfectly good fudge. : )

Rocky Road Candy

Now, don't let the name fool you...I'm not a fan of Rocky Road ice cream and in fact, I'm not much of a fan of marshmallows, but trust me when I say this particular combination is to die for! Mmmm....

• 1 pkg. (12. oz.) of semi-sweet chocolate chips (milk chocolate chips are delish too - whichever you prefer)
• 1/2 cup peanut butter
• 3 cups mini-marshmallows
• 1 cup peanuts

In a large bowl combine the marshmallows and peanuts and set aside. Combine the chocolate chips and peanut butter in a heavy saucepan and melt slowly over low heat. Stir till blended and remove from heat. Pour the chocolate mixture over the peanuts and marshmallows and mix well. Spread in an 8 x 8 square pan lined with foil and chill till firm. (Once the candy is slightly chilled and set, you can lift it out of the pan with the foil to make the next batch.)

Yup, they're really that simple, and even better, virtually foolproof. I'll be making a half dozen batches of each in all of two hours sometime over the next couple of days. Give 'em a try and be sure to let me know what you think.

Happy Holidays!

The Powerful Woman's Motto

I love quotes. I collect them. Some are thought-provoking, some are inspirational, some make me laugh and lift my mood. So when I came across the Powerful Woman's Motto on Pam Thomas' blog, Walking My Own Walk, I simply had to share it.

The Powerful Woman's Motto: Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says..."Oh shit...she's awake!!"

I love it! It made me laugh aloud and it paints such a visual. What a fun way to think about how very powerful we really are when we consciously choose to take an active role in our lives to create what we want.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way: Challenging Self-Defeating Assumptions

We all do it. We all make assumptions. We know better. We know we shouldn't make assumptions, but we do it anyway, often without even realizing we're doing it.

A few weeks ago my son called, as he often does, to talk with me about what's going on in his life, and on that particular day he was telling me about how he'd learned he was going to be moved to a different department at work, and how he was disappointed because he preferred to stay in the department he was already in.

I had asked him then, if he'd voiced that desire to his boss and he said he'd mentioned the switch (without really voicing his desire to stay in his current dept.), but that his boss told him he needed his talents in the other department.

Then a few days later, he called to excitedly share with me that one of his co-workers, whom he'd talked with about the change, had gone to his boss to state a case for why he should stay in his current department. Apparently his co-worker was quite convincing, because his boss decided not to move him to a different department.

I told him how happy I was for him, and asked him if he realized now that he could have done the same thing for himself. He paused for a moment, and said, sounding almost surprised by the realization, "Yeah, I guess I could have, huh?"

When I asked him if it had occurred to him initially to approach his boss to state his case for staying in his department, he said that it had, but.... Knowing my son as well as I do, I told him that I was betting that somewhere in the back of his mind was the belief that it wouldn't make any difference if he spoke up and/or that it would be confrontational if he did. He said that was exactly what he'd been telling himself.

His conditioned mind had made a couple of self-defeating assumptions...that it wouldn't matter, that it would be confrontational...and what he discovered was that it didn't have to be confrontational and that it could make all the difference...he could have simply and calmly (as his co-worker had done) state the benefits to his boss and to the company, of leaving him in his department.

It was only in hindsight that my son realized that he'd been making assumptions. He'd been blaming an inaccurate view of the situation (that his boss' decision was beyond his ability to influence) for his discontent, when in reality it was his own self-defeating assumptions that were casting him in the role of victim.

This realization, even in hindsight, brings with it a new level of awareness. It doesn't guarantee that he won't ever again make self-defeating assumptions, but it makes it more likely that he'll catch himself doing it if he does. Awareness is key. If you can become aware of the self-defeating assumptions you're making, you can then challenge them.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way

1. Become Aware - The next time you're feeling the victim to some situation or circumstance, the first step to getting out of your own way is to become aware. Take a good look at the thoughts that have been running through your mind. What assumptions might you be making about the situation or about your ability to influence the situation?

2. Challenge the Assumptions - Once you've become aware of the assumptions you've been making, the next step is to challenge those assumptions. What if those assumptions are just that? What if they aren't true? What if it's those very assumptions that are getting in your way?

3. Explore the Possibilites -  Self-defeating assumptions severely limit our view of what is possible. If your original assumption is untrue, what positive, pro-active steps might you take? What possibilities might there be that your self-defeating assumption was preventing you from seeing? (If you find this step challenging, engage a supportive, non-judgmental friend or loved one who is able to see the situation from a more objective perspective, to help you brainstorm.)

4. Take Action! - Take whatever positive, pro-active steps you identified in step 3. If you find this step intimidating or scary, ask yourself...What have you really got to lose? In my experience, nine times out of ten, the answer to that question is nothing. If, indeed, no action you take will serve to influence the situation, then you're no worse off than if you'd allowed the self-defeating assumption to stand and you'd done nothing. The difference is, having taken whatever steps you could, you'll come away from the siuation knowing you did all you could, rather than feeling victimized, and you won't get lost in regret later, wondering if you'd only done this or that, if things could have been different.

So my question to you is this...what self-defeating assumptions are you making and how might you, and your life, be different if you challenge them?

Don't Believe Everything You Think

Those were the words I once saw on a bumper sticker. It made  me laugh aloud because, strange as it may sound, it's great advice. It's just the kind of simple, yet profound wisdom that can transform your life.

Have you ever noticed that your thoughts, for the most part, are much the same day after day after day? If the exact thoughts aren't the same, the general content often is. 

It's as though our thoughts are caught in a perpetual loop that plays over and over again creating our own personal "Groundhog's Day." (For those of you not familiar with the movie, the main character finds himself stuck re-living the same day of his life, over and over and over again.)

A great deal of these thoughts are negative and not only don't serve us, but hold us back from being and expressing all that we are. They keep us stuck reliving the past, or fantasizing about the future, wondering "what if?" and "if only..." These thoughts create unnecessary worry, stress, anxiety, fear, and regret.

They're full of judgments and criticism, comparison and complaint about ourselves, our lives, and others, creating feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, dissatisfaction, resentment and unhappiness.

It's no wonder that we go in search of answers, of a better way, of anything that will give us some relief from the constant stream of thoughts, and that will help us attain the happiness that, at times, can seem so elusive.

If you've got a shelf full of self-improvement books then you know that much of the "self-help wisdom" tells you that you have to work hard to identify your limiting beliefs and to then change or control your thoughts, or replace them with positive affirmations.

But it doesn't have to be that hard. You don't have to identify every limiting belief or change every negative thought to a positive one. Instead, just don't believe everything you think.

Sounds easier said than done, right? It's not really, although it does take practice, and like anything else, with practice it gets easier and easier.

Rather than get caught up in a negative thought loop, practice becoming aware of your thoughts before they race wildly out of control and use them as a reminder to bring your attention back into the moment.

It's only in this moment, right here, right now, that you can be happy. You can't go back into the past to be happy, and you can't jump ahead into the future to be happy, and you don't have to "fix"  yourself or others or your life, to be happy.

You just have to be present in this moment rather than stuck in your head. When you buy into believing everything you think and you get caught up in the perpetual loop of those thoughts, you're missing out on your life, on this moment. It's believing everything we think that creates much of the misery we feel and that sucks the joy and the fun out of our lives.

You can spend the precious moments of your life caught up in wishing things were different, beating yourself up for things you "think" you should have done or not done, telling yourself that you'll be happy when this, that or the other thing happens, or that you'll never be happy because you came from a dysfunctional family, aren't pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, etc....or you can stop believing all the bs your mind likes to feed you and you can get fully engaged in your life, in this moment, because...

It's only in this moment, right here, right now that you can be happy.

How Living in the Moment Can Save Your Life

There are some activities that naturally fine-tune your ability to be fully present and living in the moment. Any activity where truly intense focus is necessary to avoid the threat of death requires that you learn to be fully present in each moment. Skydiving, rock climbing, motorcycle riding...

If you happened to read my previous post, then you know that my oldest son bought a motorcycle just over a year ago. Needless to say, while I was happy for him, there was an underlying sense of panic...a fear that one day I'd get one of those phone calls every parent most dreads...telling me that my son had been in an accident.

It required every bit of my live-in-the-moment skills to let go of that fear so that it didn't consume me. Had I not been practicing living in the moment I could have spent much of the last year missing out on my life, driving myself nuts with worry, but that would only have served to make me miserable, and probably to make my son miserable with the relentless nagging to be careful that would likely have resulted. : )

It would not, could not, have prevented my son from being in an accident or prevented the dreaded phone call that would follow if he were.

That dreaded phone call came last Friday morning.

My son was riding his motorcycle home late Thursday night when a large flat-bed truck ran a stop sign and made a left turn directly in front of him. He was traveling at 45 mph and had only a split second to react. He swerved hard to the right, missing the flat-bed of the truck by mere inches, only to realize in the next moment that he could not avoid the curb that he was then rapidly approaching.

He hit the curb with such force that his butt flew three feet off the seat of his bike. It was in that moment that he let go of the handlebars. The last thing he remembers was looking down at his bike five feet below as he flew through the air, then the flash of white light he saw as his head hit the ground and he began tumbling, coming to a stop about 40 feet from where his bike lay.

Thankfully, all things considered, he suffered only minor injuries...a few broken ribs, a badly sprained wrist and ankle, a mild concussion and many abrasions and bruises.

Had he not been fully present in those moments, had he not swerved in that split second, had he hit the truck, or had he not let go of his bike in the moment he hit the curb, had he gotten tangled in the bike, the result could have been much, much worse.

It was precisely because he was living fully in the moment during those split seconds that he was able to take the instantaneous actions that saved his life.

Live in the Moment Booty Camp

OMG! I've been so wrapped up in preparing for the Live in the Moment Booty Camp that I'm co-facilitating with Marie Forleo that I didn't even realize that it had been nearly a month since my last post!

Not only that, but I neglected to let you know about the program before it began. Yikes!

I have just been blown away by the response to it. We've got more than 150 peeps in the program and what an amazing and diverse group it is. The posts are already flying in the online social network we've set up for the members to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support one another.

I had forgotten just how much I love to facilitate online programs on subjects I'm passionate about and there's no subject I'm more passionate about than living fully in the moment. I am loving being back in that environment working with someone as talented and brilliant as Marie and with a group of participants that are just fantastic. It's such a joy!

Learning to live in the moment transformed my life in ways I never even knew to dream of. I LOVE my life, and having the opportunity to help others to learn to live in the moment and to create lives they love is what lights me up. It's an incredible honor that I'm deeply grateful for, and it so exciting! I've been like a little kid at Christmas for the last week. : )

The good news is...if you're ready to transform your life, to learn practical ways to live more fully in the moment in a down-to-earth, and FUN way, it's not too late to join us. We're recording each of the calls and making the audio replays available and there's plenty of time to listen to the first call and to jump into the online social network before our next call this Wednesday.

You can read more about it here, and then if you have any questions at all, about the specifics of the program or whether it's right for you, shoot me an email. I'd be more than happy to answer any questions.

When You're Cranky and You Know It...

I had a "Duh!" moment the other day. Not as much fun as an "A-ha!" moment, but valuable all the same. "A-ha!" moments are those moments when everything clicks into place and you gain a new understanding or insight. "Duh!" moments, on the other hand, are those moments in which you recognize something quite obvious that you should have been aware of, usually are aware of, but that you somehow lost sight of somewhere along the way.

My "Duh!" moment came after a couple of days of feeling cranky. At first I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so irritable. All I knew was that I was. Sometimes simply becoming aware of it shifts it, but this time I was aware of it and I wanted VERY much not to be feeling so irritable but that wasn't helping. It felt at the time almost as though it were beyond my control. I didn't want to be feeling cranky, but I was, dammit, and the more aware of it I became, the more cranky I got because I wasn't shifting out of it easily. (It's a vicious cycle that way.)

Mid-way through the second day my frustration with myself and my mood was so intense that I wanted to either scream or cry. "What the hell is my problem?" was the question that kept running through my mind. I live an extraordinary life that I share with an amazing man, doing work that I love. Most days I experience a depth of happiness, contentment and satisfaction that for most of my life I'd never even dreamed was possible. Reminding myself of this truth, however, was not helping. So, what the hell was my problem?

I hadn't been feeling very well for several days, but it wasn't so bad that I needed to lie in bed all day, I just wasn't quite up to par. No big deal, except that I have a bad habit of expecting myself to function well regardless. That's where it began...with my frustration with my inability to ignore how I was feeling and to function as if I weren't sick less than well. (You see....I have a hard time even writing the word "sick." I don't want to admit that I am sick, let alone cut myself some slack.)

It was my resistance to not feeling well that originally created my frustration and irritability. Resisting what is, regardless of whether or not what is meets your preferences, always causes unnecessary grief. I wasn't feeling well, and no amount of pushing myself or trying to talk myself out of the fact that I wasn't feeling well, was going to change it. I needed to let it run its course and had I accepted that at the outset I could have been gentler with myself and allowed myself to work when I could and rest when I needed to.

To make matters worse, the frustration and irritability was infectious. It carried over to everything else. My "Duh!" moment came when I realized that I was mentally complaining about everything...little things....things that don't normally faze me in the least. Duh! No wonder I was cranky. I had inadvertently shifted my focus from one of appreciation for the moment and what is, to one that was focused solely on my life's inability to meet my personal preferences for how I thought it "should" be. In the process I created an even greater gap between my preferences and what was. Hmmm....funny how that works. : )

The next time you're having an "off" day, feeling cranky or irritable, take a good look at the thoughts that've been running through your head. Complaints, whether or not you ever speak them to anyone, serve no purpose but to make you miserable, and miserable to be around. Try accepting, and surrendering to what is, rather than resisting and bitching about it and I'll bet your mood will turn around very quickly.

Are You Living an Extraordinary Life?

On the surface my life is quite ordinary. I'm not a billionaire. I don't own three gargantuan homes, a fleet of ridiculously expensive cars or a private jet. I don't have a personal chef, a housekeeper or a butler. I don't have a giant walk-in closet with 3,000 pair of designer shoes, an expensive evening gown for every day of the year or a jewelry box full of diamonds. And I'm not sitting on the beach on a tropical island sipping a margarita as I write this. (Although I'm working on that last part...how cool would that be?!)

Despite not having all those things, I live an extraordinary life. I live a life that for most of my life I never even dared to dream of. More than that...that I didn't even know was possible. It was so far out of my experience that I couldn't conceive of living the life I do now.

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.” - anonymous

You see, I'm not a materialistic person and I don't measure my life by the things I own or the balance in my checking account. I measure my life, as the quote above says, by the moments that take my breath away. My life is not extraordinary because of untold material riches, but because of the richness of the experiences each day brings. It's in the little but oh-so-meaningful things...

It's waking each morning wrapped in my honey's arms, the feeling of being so well-loved filling my being.

It's the sound of the birds chirping outside our window as the early dawn light softly fills the room.

It's our sweet puppy greeting us with unrestrained enthusiasm and excitement after we've been gone, whether for five minutes or five hours, or watching her romp with the other dogs at the doggie swimming pool.

It's tickle time with my honey's boys, the sound of their laughter, or the look in their eyes when they gaze so adoringly at their dad.

It's the unexpected phone call from my son (calling from CA) to share some news, or simply to say hi.

It's the sound of my son's laughter and the sparkle in his eyes when he teases me.

It's witnessing a client's spontaneous "a-ha!" moment, or hearing the joy in their voice after a new breakthrough.

It's brainstorming a new idea or project with a colleague that sparks even greater passion for the work I do.

It's the sight of my honey coming up the walkway after work, and the soft, sweet kiss that follows.

It's that first bite of a delicious meal, or the first sip of a really good espresso or wine.

It's the feel of the sun, and a cool breeze, on my skin on a warm summer day.

It's a cold beer on a hot afternoon.

It's the sight of a beautiful rainbow after an afternoon thunderstorm or the amazing sunset that lights the sky up with shades of orange, pink, and purple.

It's kicking back in my favorite comfy spot with a good book, indulging in a luxurious massage, or catching up with a friend.

It's the long, heart-to-heart talk with my honey that lingers into the wee hours of the morning.

It's waking early on the weekend to realize I don't have to be up and snuggling back in for another hour or two.

It's cruising along in my sweet little honda civic on a gorgeous day with the tunes cranked up, singing and moving to the rhythm of an upbeat song.

It's laughing with my honey until we cry and our sides hurt. 

I could go on and on. My life is filled with these moments, as I'm sure yours is too. What makes them extraordinary, what makes my life extraordinary, is living in the moment, being fully present for these moments. Reveling in them, savoring them, opening my heart and soul fully to them, and truly appreciating them.

It's brought me indescribable joy, made my life (and my biz) so much more meaningful and fulfilling that even in those moments that are less joyful, or downright hard, there's an underlying sense of peace and well-being.

Extraordinary is one of those illusive words that has different meanings for different people. Only you can define what an extraordinary life is for you. How is your life extraordinary? And if it isn't, what do you need to do to open more fully to your life and to the precious moments that can make it extraordinary?

Photo originally uploaded by dtcchc

Ten Other Commandments to Live By

1.  You shall not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.

2.  You shall not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.

3.  You shall not carry grudges, for they are the heaviest of all life's burdens.

4.  You shall face each problem as it comes. You can only handle one at a time anyway.

5.  You shall not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.

6.  You shall not borrow other people's problems. They can better care for them than you.

7.  You shall not try to relive yesterday for good or ill, it is forever gone. Concentrate on what is happening    in your life and be happy now.

8.  You shall be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own.

9.  You shall not become bogged down by frustration, for 90% of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive action.

10. You shall count your blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

~ Author Unknown

Have you made other commitments to live by? If so, I hope you'll take a few moments to share them in the comments.

Say What You Need to Say

 Whether you're writing posts for your blog, writing marketing copy, or speaking to potential clients if you really want to connect with your market you've got to say what you need to say. Not what you think others want you to say, or what you think you should say, but what you need to say, what you feel called to say.

A couple of weeks ago, after talking with a client about getting the word out about her services, I received an email from her, that said in part:

"These days, there are few things that have me feeling scared. The greatest fear I experience is around our marketing. I often will literally have fear - I break out in a sweat when getting ready to send out a marketing piece or when I make changes on our website. It all ties in with my fears of being misunderstood.

I've spent a lot of time trying to control situations to make sure that everyone is getting what I actually mean and not misinterpreting me and forming false assumptions. Since I can't control anyone, clearly this is a losing proposition! Then the idea of putting a marketing piece out into the ethers (on the internet) where I have absolutely no idea who is looking at it and what they are thinking - well, no wonder my fear goes through the roof!"

No wonder is right. And she's not alone in recognizing that it's scary to put yourself out there like that for all to see, and inevitably, criticize. But here's the thing...holding back or editing yourself in an attempt to please everyone is actually counter-productive. Your message, the message you feel called to share with others, isn't meant to appeal to everyone, because you aren't meant to serve everyone. In the attempt to please everyone your message will actually lose much of the appeal it would have held for those you are meant to serve.

Saying what you need to say, without restraint, will be incredibly appealing and will resonate in a big way with those you're meant to serve. When you say what you need to say, those you're meant to serve will know, without doubt, that they're in the right place, that they've found the right person, or product, or program or blog, to serve their needs.

And those that don't get it? You aren't meant to serve them and saying what you need to say creates a filter so that you don't waste time (yours or the potential client's) venturing into work with a client who isn't ideal for you, and for whom you aren't ideal. They'll move on to someone else. Someone who is better-suited to serve them.

If you've been holding back, censoring yourself, because you're afraid of how others may react, let me say it again...your message, the message you feel called to share with others, isn't meant to appeal to everyone, because you aren't meant to serve everyone.

Focus instead on speaking from your heart as if to a dear friend. Relax and let your passion for your message shine through. It's that passion that will make an almost instant connection with those you're meant to serve. Working with those you're meant to serve is what it's all about...it's energizing, exciting, meaningful, and incredibly fulfilling.

So say what you need to say! Practice right here, right now...in the comments below...what are your thoughts? What holds you back from speaking your mind, from sharing your passion? What's the worst thing that could happen if you began to say what you need to say? And how would saying what you need to say impact you and your biz in a positive way?


Photo originally uploaded by Michelle Brea

The #1 Myth About Living in the Moment

Life is all roses and sunshine and you live a fairy tale existence. Nothing ever goes wrong and you're always happy. That's the #1 myth about living in the moment.

I'm not sure how that myth got started but I suspect it had something to do with the positive thinking/affirmations movement. You know the one...where you're led to believe that if you try hard enough and think enough positive thoughts, that you'll always be happy, never suffering a moment's distress. The problem with attempting to maintain a constant stream of positive thinking is that we're intelligent enough to recognize when we're bullshitting ourselves.

And therein lies the critical distinction between positive thinking/affirmations and living in the moment. One is based on trying to convince yourself that life is all roses and sunshine even when the fact that you're dripping wet from head to toe is evidence that your parade has just been rained on, and one is based on the reality of the moment, on what is rather than on what you'd like reality to be.

It's this myth that living in the moment means always being happy that can leave you feeling as though you must be somehow doing it wrong or it's  something that only a select few "enlightened" spiritual masters ever attain, because, come on, let's get real here...no one is happy ALL the damn time.

The truth is, living in the moment, isn't about being happy all the time, thinking nothing but positive thoughts, or repeating affirmations all day long. It's not about being Mary Poppins. It's about being fully present in each moment with whatever is happening and with whatever you may be feeling, without resisting it, exaggerating it, telling stories about it, getting lost in the past, or projecting into the future.

Living fully, living in the moment, is about embracing all that life has to offer and cherishing the experience...the joys, and the sorrows. The beauty of living in the moment is that the more you're able to stay present to the moment, the more joy and peace you'll experience. Then even when the sorrows arise, as they inevitably will from time to time, you may find, as I have, that it doesn't last as long, and that despite the momentary sorrow, there's a knowing that underlies it, a knowing that you'll be okay, and that the sorrow will pass.

Spam By Any Other Name...Is Still SPAM

Spamming your market is NOT a good way to build your list. While you'd think that wouldn't need to be said, apparently it does.

I'm not talking about the "buy viagra cheap" kind of spam. Those folks are in the business of spamming. It's what they do and with the evolution of spam filters, most of it winds up in your spam folder where you don't have to deal with it. It's an annoyance that we've all accepted isn't likely to stop any time soon.

I'm talking about legitimate businesses that spam. Legitimate businesses that think adding a disclaimer to their spam somehow magically makes it something other than what it is...SPAM.

A case in point...I have received numerous email broadcasts from a business that prior to being spammed by them, I'd never heard of. I'd never visited their website, opted in to any offers, or in any other way given them permission to market to me.

At the end of each of these emails, advertising programs I have absolutely no interest in, is this disclaimer:

You have received this invitation due to specific educational affiliation. We respect your privacy and want to ensure that interested parties are made aware of (Biz name removed) programs and schedules. This is intended to be a one-time announcement. In any event, you should not receive any more announcements unless there is a program next year in your area. To be unlisted from next year's announcement, send a blank e-mail to (email address removed) and write "Unlist" in the subject line.

This is complete crap. I have no "specific educational affiliation" with this business, and if they respected my privacy they would never have spammed me with their announcements in the first place. Clearly it's not intended to be a one-time announcement or I wouldn't be receiving them on average once a week, and never have any of the programs been in my area.

Even more aggravating is the fact that sending an email requesting to be unlisted has not stopped the spam. Emailing the sender directly, after visiting the website to find the contact email, has also not stopped the spam.

Even if these were programs I had some interest in, I don't care to do business with a company that thinks it's okay to spam.

And while I'm on this rant about spam, let me just say that I find it every bit as annoying and aggravating when a Facebook "friend" spams me. Just because I've accepeted your friend invitation doesn't mean I'm giving you permission to add me to your email marketing list.

No matter how desperate you are to build your list, take the time to do it right. Please, please, please...don't resort to spamming others in an attempt to build your list. It will backfire in a BIG way. Pissing off potential clients is no way to build your list or your business. 

10 Ways to Snap Yourself Out of a Funk

You're feeling less than inspired today. You look at your to-do list and discover you don't feel much like doing any of it.

Some days you wake energetic and raring to go. You tackle one item after another, after another, on your to-do list. Each opportunity to cross something off the list giving you a boost of energy and a sense of being productive, of accomplishing something, of forward momentum.

Then there are days when despite your best efforts, you can't seem to get into that zone. Your energy is dragging, your thoughts are unfocused, your mood less than enthusiastic. It's what one of my closest friends and I call a funk. It's a bad case of the blahs that you can't quite seem to shake. Sometimes it's easy to identify what brought it on, other times it seems to come out of nowhere for no particular reason.

Whether you can identify the source of your funk or not, there are steps you can take to attempt to snap yourself out of it:

1. Let the sunshine in. Living and/or working in a dark cave with all the blinds closed is depressing. Open the blinds or drapes and flood the room with sunlight. If it's warm enough to open the windows to let in some fresh air, even better.

2. Crank up the tunes. Put on some uplifting, energizing tunes. Something with a beat that you can hardly resist moving to and then...

3. Get up and move. Exercise, dance around your living room, wrestle with the dog, go for a walk. Anything that gets your blood pumping.

4. Light a candle or diffuse an essential oil with an uplifting scent. Orange and lemon oils are two of my favorites.

5. Get out of the house. Go for a drive, go to a park, go to your local coffee house, have lunch at your favorite neighborhood cafe. Your funk just might be a bad case of cabin fever.

6.Read something inspiring.  Keep some inspirational reading handy for days like these.

7. Talk to a friend. Preferably one who knows you well and knows just how best to help you...with empathetic words, a good joke or a swift kick in the ass. My girlfriend and I do this for one another with the understanding that we are NOT allowed to be in a funk at the same time.

If you've tried all of the above and are still feeling in a funk...

8. Take a nap or meditate. Either can serve as a way to reboot. Ever wish you could crawl back into bed and start over...sometimes that's just what you need to do.

If upon rising, the funk is still with you...

9. Just DO it! Pick something, anything, on your to-do list and Just DO it.

That's not working either?

10. Take a mental health day and go see a good movie, get a pedicure, enjoy a latte, soak in a bubble bath, read a novel, get a massage ...whatever... the idea is to give yourself a break, to pamper yourself, to renew your energy.

And remember...this too shall pass, and tomorrow is a new day.

Photo originally uploaded by fodt

Must-Read Blogs - These Are Too Good To Miss

I've stumbled upon some really wonderful blogs in the last few weeks and I've been meaning to write a Must-Read Blog post for each. I'd intended to schedule them to go out one or two a week for the next few weeks, but they're all so good that I can't decide which to single out first and I don't want to wait to share them.

Blogs are all about creating community and the blogoshpere itself is a community, but these blogs are their own little mini-community. That's a big part of what has drawn me to them...not only the great talent of the bloggers themselves, but the way in which each of these blogs ties into the others through their comments and blogrolls.

They're listed in no particular order. I couldn't list them in order of which I like most because, like the individuals that created them, each is unique and fabulous in its own way.  I can't even list them in order of which I found first, or tell you which led me to which.

I can get a little crazy when discovering new blogs.  I happened across one, clicked the link of someone who had left a comment, clicked on one of that blogger's blogroll links, and around and around I went until I had half a dozen or more tabs open to all of these fabulous blogs.

So without further ado....

Rogue Ink - Tei Lindstrom - This is a brand new blog that is already developing a loyal following and it's no wonder. Tei writes in a witty, irreverent way that is uniquely hers, that makes me laugh aloud and that keeps me coming back each day to see what she'll say next. 

6 Weeks - Brett Legree - Kleenex alert! Brett has a way with words and storytelling that draws you in...to the stories and  to the deeper emotion behind them. A couple of his posts have left me at a loss for words and reaching for the kleenex, and others have left me smiling and laughing.

Life's Little Inspirations - Wendi Kelly - Wendi had me hooked with her post, Slow Cooking Frogs. You gotta love that title! <g> She too, has an amazing talent for weaving a really good story. She inspires while also keeping it real. Something I very much admire.

IttyBiz - Naomi Dunford - Naomi is what my dear friend Andy Wibbels would call "snarky" and he should know...he's the King of Snarky. And, if Andy is the King of Snarky, Naomi is the Queen. Love it! She delivers great advice for those of us running IttyBizzes and more often than not has me laughing my ass off at the same time. Not to mention reading the banter between those that comment on her posts is a bit like eavesdropping on an IM conversation. Kinda hard to resist.

Rock Your Day - Dave Navarro - When you need a tough-love kick in the ass (and I don't care who you are, we all need that once in awhile), Dave's your man. He delivers thought, and more importantly, emotion-provoking posts that will not just inspire, but motivate you to take action.

Men With Pens - James Chartrand & Harrison McLeod - This is one I happened across awhile ago, but that somehow must have gotten lost in the flurry. Thanks to one of the blogs above, I've re-discovered them and the plethora of wisdom they share. After seeing the incredibly awesome custom banner they designed for Tei I just might have to hire them to do one for The Wilder Zone (I know, I know....it's way overdue).

What is also way overdue is my lunch break. I'm starving. May I suggest you take a much-deserved break as well to check out all of these fabulous folks and their blogs? Just be forewarned...they're addictive.

FREE Skin Cancer Screenings

It was a spring day about three years ago when my oldest son came home from an appointment with the dermatologist. He'd had a stubborn rash we suspected was due to an allergy to metal that wasn't responding to the OTC hydro-cortisone creams I'd purchased for him.

"How'd it go?" I asked.

"Fine. He wrote me a scrip, said it should clear up within a week or so," he replied. Then, almost as an after-thought, he went on, "Oh, and he biopsied three moles."

I'd been working when he walked in, and I must admit, I hadn't been giving him my full attention. At that, my head snapped up, and I screeched, "He did WHAT?!" He now had my full, unwavering attention. "What do you mean he biopsied three moles?"

"He said there were three moles on my back that looked suspicious, so he removed them and sent them to be biopsied," he replied calmly.

There were two reasons why this news came as a bit of a surprise to me.  Not only had my son not gone to the dermatologist for a skin cancer screening, but he was barely 18 at the time.  It never even dawned on me that a skin cancer screening might be a good idea for someone so young.  After the initial surprise, I wasn't too concerned for the same reason. I marked my calendar for the day a week or so later, when the doctor had told him he'd have results, and didn't give it too much more thought.

Imagine my surprise when my son got the call from the doctor telling him that although the moles hadn't been actively malignant, they were pre-cancerous. The doctor went on to explain to my son, that had they not been removed they would have grown into melanoma, likely within ten years. I was floored. The thought that, had my son not happened into the dermatologist for something totally unrelated, he could well have wound up with melanoma by the time he was 28, was hard to comprehend.

To say that I am incredibly grateful that he did go to the dermatologist when he did, and incredibly grateful that this particular doctor took the time to screen him while he was there, is an understatement of epic proportions.

Why am I telling you all this? Because May is Skin Cancer Awareness Month and Olay, the American Society for Dermatologic Surgery (ASDS) and Marcia Cross have joined together to invite you and your girlfriends to get a free skin cancer screening.

While the invitation reads "you and your girlfriends," the offer isn't limited (from what I can tell) to women, so spread the word and invite all those you care about, men and women, young or old, to take advantage of the opportunity to get checked. Better safe than sorry. As with any cancer, the importance of early detection can't be stressed strongly enough.

Photo originally uploaded by RcktManIL's