At one time or another, we’ve all had to deal with people we find difficult, and I’m betting you’ve wished at one time or another that they’d make your life easier by just disappearing.
Certainly, the easiest way to deal with any problem is to eliminate it, if possible, and the same is true of people we find challenging. If it’s possible, the best thing may be to wish them well and let them go.

But what if that’s not an option?

Sometimes, we have to interact with people we find difficult. But if you recognize that interacting with these people is having a really negative impact on your well-being and your life, you’ve got to do something, right?

Before we dive into what to do, it’s time for a reality check.

The reality is…

…“difficult” is nothing more than a label you’ve attached to a person. Somewhere along the line you decided that they should be or do something other than they are, and when they didn’t conform to your expectations, you labeled them “difficult.”

…much as you might wish you could…you can’t change someone else’s behavior or attitude. The only behavior and attitude you have any control over are your own.

…while you might love to blame your anger, frustration, or annoyance on the other person for being so darn difficult, the reality is…no one can make you feel anything.

…it’s not the other person’s behavior that is creating your feelings of upset. It’s your thoughts about the other person’s behavior that create your feelings of upset; it’s the litany of complaints running through your head. All of which stem from a critical, judgmental attitude.

Expecting others to conform to your ideas about how they should be or behave doesn’t serve you or the other person. Instead, it sets you up for continual disappointment and frustration.

The Magic of Seeing Others through Compassionate Eyes

The next time you’re faced with someone you find it challenging to interact with, take a moment to step back and attempt to see them through compassionate eyes. (Notice the emphasis here is on the reality of your experience – you find it challenging, something within your ability to shift. Rather than on the other person being “difficult” which implies there is something wrong with them that needs fixing. Something you have absolutely no control over.)

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~ Ian MacLaren

How do you suppose viewing them with compassion might shift how you see the other person?

What if, that “difficult” co-worker, who infuriates you by acting like you don’t exist, isn’t intending to be rude or anti-social but rather is grieving and simply trying to keep it together?

What if, your three year old, when he’s driving you nuts with his incessant chatter, isn’t trying to annoy you or throw you off your game, but is actually lonely and trying desperately to get you to give him even a few minutes of your undivided attention?

What if, when your mother-in-law makes you batty by constantly offering up unwanted and unsolicited parenting advice, she’s really just longing to feel needed again?

What if, your rebellious teenager isn’t trying to turn your life upside down, but is frantically trying to make sense of their own ever-changing and overwhelming emotions and life?

Now, of course, we can’t know what anyone else is dealing with in their private lives, but you don’t have to know for certain what the explanation might be. The point is to catch yourself when you’re being critical and judgmental and spinning stories about how they’re maliciously doing something to you, and to view them instead, with compassion.

When you practice compassion, you’ll discover, that almost like magic…the “difficult” people have disappeared from your life, transformed instead into people who are doing the best they can in each moment, and who, like you, want only to be happy.

“Happiness and peace will come to earth only as the light of love and human compassion enter the souls of men.” ~ David O. McKay

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